Surely a word of explanation is in order. Only family and a precious few close friends know the story of my life during the past two years. Many things have happened, and at times I think that everything about me has changed since the middle of my 39th year. I'm now five months into my 41st year, and I no longer live in Santa Cruz, Calif., U.S.A. Instead I live and work in Phuket City, Phuket, Thailand. I weigh 74kg instead of 220 pounds. I'm no longer married to Stuart Ponder, but I have a new boyfriend, partner and husband, a beautiful Thai man my age named Chaiyakorn "Duk" Pinprapaipong who lives with me in Phuket. I closed my web development business, did a stint as a professional orchestra musician aboard cruise ships, and now I have resumed my former career in publishing, working as sub-editor for the Phuket Post.

So, what happened?

To be honest, I'm still trying to figure that out. I know the events and the places and the people involved, and I know a lot about how I felt as all the changes were going on. But I don't think I know yet what caused all the changes--whether it was something inside of me that compelled me or whether I merely adapted to external experiences.

Things really started to change in my life a little more than a year ago. I had been thinking about changing my life for about seven months, beginning with resuming therapy and continuing with exploring ways I could develop more interesting musical performance opportunities. I had done some restructuring on my business, and I had begun composing music again. I think I felt that I wanted to get out of the web development business, but I also felt stuck. Stuart was working his way through school, and I wanted to support him. That meant that I couldn't leave web development unless I had another job lined up and ready to go.

One weekend in early March last year while Stuart was away in Monterey working on the annual T.E.D. Conference, I found myself thinking about opportunities I felt I had missed to become a full-time professional musician. I remembered that several of my friends when I was in my early 20s had taken jobs on cruise ships to get started in their music careers. I wondered if, at age 40, I could start the same way. I detailed my thought process and sketched out the series of events that led to my taking a position on the Grand Princess in a blog post from March 15, 2007:

I did some research on the web by reading through cruise ship-related posts on the Sax on the Web Forums and by tracking down websites of booking agents who represent musicians to cruise lines. I found both ProShip and Oceanbound Entertainment to be very informatiive--especially the podcasts posted by Oceanbound.

I talked over my idea with my partner, Stuart Ponder. He was very encouraging, and we agreed that it was a good time in both our lives for me to embark on such an adventure. Stuart's in school right now, finishing up work on a bachelor's in electrical engineering probably through December 2009. Of course, we'll have to make some sacrifices. First thing to go would have to be the web development business so that we can get our monthly expenses down.

Three weeks later, I was well on my way to closing down my business and preparing to leave home for four months. In a blog post dated April 7, 2007, I tried to conceive of being away from home for so long. A native Californian, I had traveled little, only taking short vacations to spots along the East or West Coast of the United States. I had never gone even half as far as the Grand Princess would travel:

When I try to conceive of four months aboard, the first thing I think of is trying to live my life smaller. Of course, the accommodations will be cramped--two musicians per room. Though the boat is one of the largest pleasure ships afloat, I'll be stuck on it nonstop for the entire period (though certainly allowed some daylong shore excursions). I'm also trying to conceive of a life that's smaller in scope. Instead of a life crammed with intellectual interests, the many demands of my web development business, two separate performing bands, social obligations and relationship obligations to family and my lover and partner, Stuart, I'm trying to envision a life that revolves around a limited routine. For four months.